Words of Wisdom:
The Uncomfortable Truth About Change
By Henry Chamberlain
We’ve just come through Chinese New Year—a season of reflection, renewal, and hopeful beginnings. It’s a time when many in our community pause to set intentions for the year ahead, whether formally or quietly within themselves. But how many of those hopes for change truly take root? Statistically, 88% of people have abandoned their resolutions by now.
In both my personal life and my coaching work, I’ve been reflecting on what real change actually requires. The past few months have made one thing especially clear: most people don’t fail to change because they’re not committed enough. They struggle because they don’t understand how change really works.
We tend to approach change as a rational process: define a goal, make a plan, stay disciplined. But if that were enough, more people would follow through. Even after major life events—like heart attacks or strokes—less than half of people successfully change their lifestyle. In fact, 26% of men and 7% of women make no changes at all. Clearly, change isn’t just about willpower or knowledge. It demands emotional and mental energy.
Over the past 10 years, I’ve successfully made some particularly big changes in my own life. But here’s the surprising part: very little of it required “hard work” in the traditional sense. The most important shifts didn’t come from pushing harder or setting tougher goals. They came from letting go—of old beliefs, ingrained habits, outdated roles, even physical and emotional clutter.
Some of the change came from simply stopping—stopping the endless striving, stopping the self-criticism, stopping the stories I’d been telling myself. Some came from learning to think differently, to soften rather than tighten, and to reach out for support when I needed it.
What I’ve come to understand is this: change is harder than we think, but not for the reasons we assume. The true difficulty lies not in doing, but in being—being present with discomfort, uncertainty, and vulnerability. And yet, that discomfort is often the very soil in which transformation grows.
Asa culture, we tend to glorify physical suffering—staying up late, working longer hours, pushing through fatigue. But we’re less comfortable with psychological discomfort. And yet, psychological suffering is almost always part of deep personal growth. As Brené Brown says, “Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts.”
Avoiding discomfort may be the single biggest reason people get stuck. As coaches, this gives us both a responsibility and an opportunity. Yes, we need tools and models for navigating change. But more importantly, we need to help our clients feel safe enough to grow. That starts with being comfortable with our own discomfort, and holding space for theirs.
I believe coaching is, at its heart, about creating psychologically safe transition spaces—spaces where clients can pause, question, reimagine, and slowly shift from one version of themselves to another. It’s not always tidy. But it is sacred work.
So if your new year intentions already feel wobbly or forgotten, perhaps don’t rush to “try harder.” Instead, ask yourself gently: What might I need to let go of in order to grow? Or even: What discomfort might I be avoiding that holds the key to real change?
Because maybe, just maybe, the discomfort isn’t the obstacle—it’s the invitation.